Yep, it's true! I'm a traitor. I just went and got myself a xanga, so no more of this tblog for me. If you really loved me and will miss me (yeah. right.) you can visit me at
Well! I went to the Spree last night with Kris and my family (plus my mom's [i]boyfriend[/i] o.O) We went to pick up Chrissy, and then Kris (Ack. Bad idea: the two of them get along like preying mantises - you know, where one eats the other alive.) And Alfred's child unit Mariah came along (she and my sister Anna are the same age, so they get along well). So we went on a few rides - Kris tried to make me go on the teacups, where the whole thing spins, and then you can spin your little seat in the opposite direction....eh. I hate those rides. Puke city! So I didn't go, but I watched while he and my little sister went on them repeatedly. Then we went on the droppy tower thing, where you get shot to the top and then dropped straight down. We had to sit and wait at the top for a short time (seemed like forever though), and we were just starting to get comfortable. Kris started to say something to me, and all of a sudden it dropped and he went "AHHH!!". It was priceless. Wee! We went on the ferris wheel, and Kris was rocking the car thingy, and making dumb comments like "You know, that little pole is the only thing keeping us from certain death." and "Look how RUSTY that thing is!". Sigh. Not very reassuring, but it was nice nonetheless. We walked to his house together, and then I went home. It was really...nice. Walking with him on a dark street. We've done it so many times before, but for some reason, last night felt different. Who knows. It was great though!
Then today, I went to REI and got hiking shoe thingys for walking the trails out west. Wee! Get to go on a trip mid-July all the way out to Yellowstone and the Tetons (named, incidentally, because the mountains looked like pointy boobs to some horny French guy). It's going to be a fun trip.
Kris is putting Mr.Orange (the fish he won) into his tank, and I am listening to some Yellowcard and noting that I smell like chlorine. Hmm...I should go...
later, -Peach
(on the fally-towery thingy ride) "If this was a Christian ride, it would be called 'Touch Jesus and Then Go to Hell Because You Suck'." -Kris
So! Holy shit, it's been almost...a month (?) since I last updated. Jeez. Wee!
Well, It's summer now, the stress of finals is over, and I am in a whole new world. //A whole new world...a dazzling place I never knew..but when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear, and now I'm in a whole new world with you// oops. Random burst of song! So!
Addie's birthday is coming up soon, but people will be out of town on the day, so we threw her a surprise party a few weeks in advance. Not just ANY surprise party, mind you. This one had a title - "Mission: Handcuffed Elephants". We all (11 people or so) spent the nigth at Shelly's house, and around 10 pm, about half of us piled into the car and drove (very stealth-like) to Addie's house. We then proceeded to sneak upstairs and pounce on her from behind, hancuffing her and blindfolding her, grabbing her overnight bag which her mother had oh-so-willingly packed for us in advance. We shover her in the car and drove away, hurtling at a breakneck speed of nearly 15 miles per hour over to Shelly's house, where we led her to the basement and put her in a room with all of her presents. We then all yelled out "SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!", and she opened all of her gifts. She was very surprised, but also rather peeved, as I kind of grabbed her phone (on which she was talking to her boyfriend) and said "she's been kidnapped. Bring $10 thousand, and we'll meet you at the nearest payphone". Then we turned off her phone. Oops? wahaha....that's a birthday she'll never forget.
Other news...I have been in drivers' ed lately, this is my last week, and by next week I shall have my permit. Um...other than that...nothing. Boring as hell so far. I shall leave, with one simple word that conveys all of my feelings at the moment:
Puppycat.
later, -Peach
Here in this diary, I write you visions of my summer. It was the best I ever had. There were choruses and sing-alongs, And that unspoken feeling of knowing Right now is all that matters All the nights we stayed up talking and listening to 80's songs; quoting lines from all those movies that we love. It still brings a smile to my face. I guess when it comes down to it... Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right. Breaking into hotel swimming pools, and wreaking havoc on our world. Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time. The black top's singing me to sleep. Lighting fireworks in parking lots, illuminate the blackest nights. Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky. 2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye." Get on the bus, it's time to go. Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right. -The Ataris
There are no words in the English language to describe this past weekend. Oh, it was incredible. We drove up and set up camp on Friday night, and I met Lisa and Vince and Caroline (Kris's aunt, her boyfriend, and her friend). On Saturday I met Tom (hilarious dude), and the three of us went for a walk. I got to throw a ninja star. Haha! Anyway. Phew. So Kris and I went for a walk in this crazy pine tree forest, cuddled for a while, then went down to dance at night, but got exhausted and went to bed. Sunday we went to a workshop and I learned to play the Ukelele (I sucked terribly at it), played some Fuck the Rats of Egypt (a.k.a. Egyptian Rat Screw - it's a card game) with Tom, and chilled out in the tent for a while. We went down to the pavilion after it got dark, and learned to swing dance - it was SO much fun! Oh, I wish that night could have never ended. We got back to the tent and were falling asleep when Lisa said we were going to move everything to the big tent and kill the smaller one becuase there was going to be a storm. So Kris and I helped to move everything into the big tent, and I fell asleep in his arms. Until now, I couldn't have told you how good it feels to wake up in the arms of someone you love. It was great. I felt warm and safe all night long, and woke up to the pitter patter of rain on the tent and his breath slightly tickling my neck. And now I can honestly say that morning breath is deal-able...under some circumstances...::wink:: Well! A breathtaking weekend it was, and now my head hurts and my knees itch, and I have school tomorrow. I hurt, therefore I sleep. Nighty-night!
later, -Peach
"I was on my way to the center of the sun When I lost my wings and I fell into a crowd And they carried me to a hole in the ground And they buried me Where no one can see And no one would be around I was on my way to a city in the clouds When I lost my mind and I had to settle down Then I had a dream of an island in the sea Where the lepers die Where no one survives Where no one can hear their cries And just like the heathens thinking On our feet we believe in God And with one step, two steps Three steps toward the graveyard On the high road to remembering It seems that we forgot" -Audioslave
I'm in choir right now...supposed to be doing reearch for a paper on a composer (our final), but I'm not. Oops? Yesterday we went to the zoo! Wee! I was in the car with Ms. Topham - with Ash, Hannah, Jill, Jeanne, and Lorraine. Whew, what an odd car ride! It was awesome though. Me, Cathy, Margaret, and Vickie wandered around the whole time. Let me tell you something. The food at the Detroit Zoo, although terribly expensive, is awesome. Yum! We went to the butterfly place, and the reptile place, and I got lost while Margaret was looking at the ploar bears. It was a really fun trip, and hell - I got out of school. I can think of nothing else I would rather have been doing yesterday (well, maybe a few things...)
SO! Tomorrow (!) I get to go to Dance Camp with Kris (all weekend!) I totally can't wait. Weee! I have to go now. .:sigh:. I shall update later and tell of my weekend!
have you ever.. 1. Kissed your cousin: nope. 2. Ran away: yep. 3. Pictured your crush naked: maybe... 4. Skipped school: yep. 5. Broken someone's heart: I'm not sure. 6. Been in love: I'm not sure. 7. Cried when someone died: Yes. 8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yes. 9. Broken a bone: No. 10. Done something embarrassing: Every day! 11. Lied: Unfortunately, yes. 12. Cried in school: Yes.
13. Coke or Pepsi: Coke. 14. Sprite or 7UP: Neither. Eew. 15. Girls or Guys: Guys. 16. Flowers or Candy: Flowers cause they don't make me fatter. 17. Scruff or Clean shaved: Depends on the day, time, place, event, and guy. 18. Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes. 19. Bitchy or Slutty: How bout I bitch slap a slut? 20. Tall or Short: Taller than me. 21. Pants or Shorts: Pants are my friends. 22. Night or Day: Night.
with the opposite sex... 23. What do you notice first: Whether or not they are smiling. 24. Last Person You Slow Danced With: Kris 25. Worst Question To Ask: LOTS of them.
the last time you... 26. Showered: 20 minutes ago 27. Stepped outside: After swim a few hours ago. 28. Had Sex: Never.
about you... 29. Romantic Memory: hmm...I think those are a little private, don't you? 30. Your Good Luck Charm: I'm not sure I got one. 31. Person You Hate Most: : I don't very much laothe any one person that I can think of. But oh are there tons that I don't get along with. 32. Best Thing That Has Happened: 33. On your desk: A pile of papers and some pens, plus a whole shitload of other junk. 34. Picture on your desktop: Lightning.
favorite... 35. Color: Black. It goes with everything! 36. Movie: Let's say...The Little Mermaid. 37. Artist or band: Too many to choose from. 38. Car: I likes convertibles. 39. Ice Cream: Mint chocolate chip. 41. Food: Pasta.
who... 42. Makes You Laugh The Most: Jenny 43.Who MakesYou Smile: Many people. 44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: Jenny or Kris 45. Has A Crush On You: I don't know. 46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Gee. I wonder. 47. Who Has It Easier between guys and girls: Neither. 48. Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them: Jill (pepto bismol)
do you ever... 49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: I have before, but not as a general practice, no. 50. Save AIM Conversations: All the time. 51. Save E-mails: All the time. 52. Forward Secret E-mails: Chain mail sucks ass. 53. Wish You Were Someone Else: I have before. 54. Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex: Nah. 55. Wear Cologne: Blech. Nasty shit. 56. Kiss: mmhm 57. Cuddle: mmhm 58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time: frequently
HAVE YOU EVER... 59. Fallen For Your Best Friend?: Nope. 60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: Nope. 61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: Hell no. 62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day?: Once again. Hell no. 63. Been Rejected: Yes. 64. Been In Love?: I'm not sure. 65. Been In Lust?: No. 66. Used Someone?: No. 67. Been Used?: Not that I know of. 68. Dumped Someone?: I wouldn't quite say "dumped", but to put it bluntly, yes. 69. Been Cheated On?: No. 70. Been Kissed?: Yes. 71. Done Something You Regret?: Yes.
who was the last person you... 72. You Touched?: My mom. 73. You Talked To?: My mom. 74. You Hugged?: My cat. 75. You Instant Messaged?: Kris 76. You Kissed?: My cat. 77. You Yelled At?: My sister. 78. You Thought About?: Jenny 79. Who Text Messaged You?: As if I have a cell phone! Pfft. 80. Who Broke Your Heart?: Chrissy. 81. Who Told You They Loved You?: Jenny 82. Color Your Hair? Red. 83. Have Tattoos?: No. 84. Have Piercings?: Yes. 85. Have A boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes. 86. Own A Webcam?: No. 87. Own A Thong?: Yes. (But they totally suck, if I do say so myself) 88. Ever Get Off The Damn Computer?: Of course! 89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: The tiniest little bit. 90. Habla espanol?: Once again. The tiniest little bit. 91. Quack?: Sniffle.
have you / are you / do you: 92. Stolen Anything?: Unfortunately, yes. 93. Smoked?: No. If you catch me smoking, shoot me. 94. Schizophrenic?: Nope. 95. Obsessive?: A little, I suppose you could say. 96. Compulsive?: Eh. 97. Obsessive compulsive?: With my skittles and M&Ms only. 98. Panic?: Yep. (been) 99. Anxiety?: Yep. (been) 100. Depressed?: Yep. (been)
"Why?" you ask. Mostly because I said so. If you did happen to look at my face, you would see one tired-ass girl sitting here, coughing her brains out and whispering when she needs to talk. .:sigh:.
Yesterday was a very slow moving day for me. I cleaned my room, did a bit of homework (Which is completely unusal, since I never do my work.), and sat around a bit. My mother keeps insisting that she is not dating anyone, but there is this one guy (really sweet man, by the way) who constantly sends her flowers and takes her out to dinner and such. So last night he called and the two of them decided to take us all out for dinner and a movie. ("Us all" includes myself and my siblings, and his little daughter.) Obviously, since there were children along, we went to go see a kids' movie. Guess which one? Shrek 2. I didn't think I'd like it, but it was hilarious, and I thought it was better than the first one. It was alright, we had a good time, I applied for a job there (despreately needed), and I talked all night and lost my voice completely in the process. I first started to lose it Thursday night, and then it was only a bit raspy and about...oh...two entire octaves deeper than usual. Not terribly bad. I usually get "froggy", as my mother refers to it, once or twice a year, and usually in the springtime when my allergies join the game. And it's never a big deal at all, so I just figured if I let it go, it would get better. So on Friday I went to school as normal, talked with my icky voice, and came home and talked on the phone. No big deal, right? Wrong. Yesterday morning I woke up with no voice whatsoever. I woke around 8, and at 10 I still couldn't say a thing. Literally. I'd open my mouth and no sound would come out. By afternoon I was able to whisper, and by night I was able to speak with my originally raspy voice. So, being the smart cookie that I am, I kept talking all night, and now I'm back to where I started - I can't even whisper. .:sigh:. To some extent I like it when my voice is screwy, because it is a change from my usual sounding crap. It's kinda nice, you know? Good, 'cause I sure don't. Ah well. I just hope I can at least whisper by this afternoon, because I am pretty sure that I get to see Kris. I'm not positive, but I think he gets home this afternoon.
He was in that Indian Guides group at the YMCA (It's sort of like boy scouts, from what I gather, except they have "tribes" and such.) when he was younger. I guess some Indian people felt discriminated against or something (utter shit), so they are closing down the whole program to be politically correct. His "tribe" is having a last reuinion thing this weekend. I really think that this country has issues with what we like to call "free speech" and "freedom" in general. Seriously. How stupid do you have to be to understand that if you close down a completely innocent group like that it is infringing on their rghts? I mean, COME ON people. Before you go all "But what about the KKK??" on me, it's completely different. The KKK and other such groups were deliberately inflicting harm on other human beings. There is a huge difference between hurting others and being an organization for father-son bonding. People have the right to have their organizations and things - that's part of what freedom is. Anyone can have a group as long as it does not infringe upon the rights of others. If you are going to go gang-beat people, your organization isn't going to be around for long. Because what we do not have is the freedom to do is beat on others because we don't like what they stand for or whatever. What I am trying to say that even though some people didn't like the way the Indian Guides was set up, the group was not hurting them in any way or causing them any damage whatsoever. Shut your stupid faces and learn what is free and what isn't. Sure, they can protest. Free speech, remember? But there is no reason to shut the whole thing down. Seriously. People need to lighten up. Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist or anything. At all. I just think that sometimes (actually quite often as of late) people here take stuff WAY too seriously. God bless America.
Well, on a bit of a lighter note, I have a shitload of homework to do today. Of course, that doesn't mean that I am going to do it...but still. It exists. My mom went and got me a cappuccino this morning and woke me up with it. It was nice. Then she told me that I had to stay in bed all day because I am sick. .:cries:. I'm not terribly sick, at all. I sang too much, too loudly, for too long and lost my voice. Is that too hard to understand? Ok, so I cough a little. I'm not sniffly or anything, my throat is just dry. .:cough:. <-- See?? only dryness. No sickness here, just tired and voiceless. My mom keeps telling people I have Laryngitis. Um..yeah, right. That's it. Sure. My mother is insane. Like, seriously. As Kris would say, if insanity was strawberries, my mom would be having a lot of smoothies right now. Mmm...smoothie. Sounds really good. Cold and throat-soothing. Yummy. I wish we had a blender so I could make one. The only blender mixer kitchen thing we ever had was my dad's, and when he moved out, he naturally took it with him. And my mom just never got around to getting a new one.> It's hard to believe that my dad moved out in October last year. It almost seems longer, but then in a way it feels like it was only a little while ago. I guess that's how everything is. Freshman year went by so quickly. A year ago my life was changing immensely - one of the hugest sets of changes that have ever happened to me at once. My parents were getting divorced, I was moving to a different school- not only going to a different school than all of the people I knew, but high school, no less. I had a job, a boyfriend, and I had to learn how to deal with stuff by myself. Last summer was a lot of growing up for me. Then as soon as school started - when it really began to sink in that there was no going back, I had a nasty breakup with my boyfriend, my parents were constantly fighting, and I rarely saw my best friends from the year before. The transition to private school was big enough on its own, let alone high school with nobody I had ever met before. It is really strange to look back and remember all of that, and then look at this summer. I started swimming, so I am healthier, and look and feel better. I see my friends constantly, I have made great friends at Ladywood, and I love it there (despite all the stupid shit that goes on all the time). I've got no job - but am working on it, I have a new boyfriend, who I am incredibly happy with, and my parents are happy. They get along very well, and often get together to peacefully plan out schedules and things, they split up holidays reasonably,and all in all, they both seem quite a bit happier. I have gotten used to my dad's apartment, and I like spending time with each of my parents. My brother and I have gotten a lot closer lately (although he and I always were really close), and my litle sister showers almost once a week now, so she doesn't smell [i]terrible[/i] anymore. Life is good! And although I have no voice to shout it, suffice it to whisper that I love my family, friends, boyfriend, and life in general.
O.o my hair has dried in boing boing curls. My hair is not "boingy". .:shakes head and curls bounce:. weee!
Yo dudes, I gotta go. Like I said, a shitload of homework, and if I clean and am lucky, maybe I can convince my mother that sickness is absent from me and that I should be able to see my Kristofer today. Me hopes!
later, -Peach
Me: "I'm sick, mommy."
Mom: "Have you ever thought that maybe that's God's way of punishing you for using such foul language?"
Me: .:laughs:. "I thought you were gonna say kissing."
Mom: "That too. You'll probably go blind next."
Me: .:laughs:.
Mom: "Where do you think all the blind people come from?"
Well, not really. Seeing as I have no voice left. .:sigh:. I was coloring my my little pony coloring book yesterday
(feelin like a lil kid :D )
and listenin to my loud music, like Disturbed...you know, the nice crazy rock. I was blasting it and shaking the house, singing along for hours...and whaddya know, I get up to answer the phone and have no voice left. I went over to Kris's for a while, and he seemed kinda...out of it...but not too out of it to tease me about my voice. It made me sad, but then again, I got to see him, which I didn't think I was going to be able to do this weekend, so it's all good! When I left he had a headache....:sigh:.I hope he's doing ok. I had this killer sinus ache the other day - I was ready to explode. Like, seriously. kaBOOM.
Last night my power went out and my alarm didn't go off this morning, so I woke up late. I was feeling like shit, but I had to come so I could turn in my permission slip (We're going to the zoo. Accelerated high school bio, listens to Disney music and goes to the zoo for trips. Hey - I'm not complaining!) Anyway, once I finally got up, we went to get cough drops for my stupid throat...turns out that that counts as excused. I was late for my class for like the 5th time, and I was supposed to get a detention, but I lucked out, and the amazingly nice attendance lady said if I bring in a note, I won't have to get a detention. Sweet, eh? And btw, I got to school and turned in my permission slip, and it turned out the back wasn't filled out (Just in case I get eaten by a lion and they need to send me to the hospital...you know, the norm.) So, I didn't really need to come to school in the first place. Ah well, that's life.
So, I'm sitting in my French class right now, doing yet another dumb internet project, and Margaret is sitting next to me laughing her head off at something or other. I wish I could laugh, but I have no voice. I feel like crying now. (Except I have no voice, so I can't even do THAT properly.) As my Kris would say, "I hate life." But I don't hate life. Not really, at least.
I simply cannot WAIT until Memorial Weekend.....I get to go to Dance Camp with Kris for the whole weekend. Yay! So far as I can gather, it will be camping in a big place with lots of other people, activities during the day, and dances at night. Sounds good to me! Weeeee! I am going insane over here, yo. Like, whoa. Today is the last day of our last full week of school. Joy! So, I've got next week with Friday off and the next with Monday, for Memorial Day, and then two days the next week....and then FREEDOM!!! .:jumps for joy:. I heart summer. If I could, I would show you just how much, but for now, you'll have to imagine me drawing a heart right here --
But alas, there is no heart. .:hangs head sadly:.
I have an entire half hour to waste before I get out of this class. It's nice being able to get my work done fast and having free time. Occasionally it bores the shit outta me, but today I am thankful for the time. Yesterday when I was with Kris, we had almost no time. He picked me up at like 8:30, and I had to leave an hour later. It was nice, though, because I got to see him. Neither of us was in an especially wonderful mood, but it was still time with him. Lord, I adore that boy.
Wow...I haven't updated in a while. Hmm...well, I have been extremely busy. I've got a choir concert this week, so I've been at rehearsal constantly, and swim and everything. Right...start at the beginning, shall I?
Last Tuesday was my birthday...and boy was I ever busy. Stressfully so. I left for school at 6:30 and didn't get home until nearly 9 that night. Whew...long day of back and forth - hugely long choir rehearsal and long Tuesday swim. After swim though, there was much confusion of how I was to get home, and I ended up sitting around with Kris for a half hour or so. That made my day very much better.
Thursday night Kris and I went to see "Much Ado About Nothing" at Churchill - it was good, but neither of us were in a great mood that night, and the tiny little 'black box' (mini-auditorium place) was hot and stuffy.
I got annoyed and skipped school on Friday (I love my mother), and then my pod came and spent the night. Pink and Shelly got me the most adorable strapless hot pink shirt, and the six of us went skating at Riverside, where they played shitty rap music until we had to leave, when they finally started playing some decent Disturbed and shit. We had a blast though, and my Jenny learned herself how to skate! I am proud to the max of her! Speaking of Jenny...she and B-rad the Boy Toy are now officially dating, and I MUST meet him! .:sigh:.
On Saturday, I went to the mall with Kris, bought my mom a Mothers' Day present (some bowls for the kitchen - nothing fancy), and then the two of us went to lunch at Olga's. (yum!) We went back to his house for a while and attempted to watch a movie....
Then on Sunday, I went shopping, and I FINALLY got some summer clothes. Three cute skirts that don't make my legs look too fat, and a couple cute shirts. Now all I need is a new purse and some cute sandals, and I'm good to go!
Yesterday I had choir and shit, got home late and was screwed because of school skippy-ness on Friday, and today I had swim.
::nods:: yes, indeed.
SO. I need to go do some homework shit before I forget, and I rather have the hankering to paint my nails. So, I'll see ya!
later, -Peach
//I walk into the room you don't have to scream I can hear you bad trip, the needle sticks you get your fix from confrontation I try to make it past I don't wanna get into it right now can't this family have one day to get away from all the pain
and through the night I see the light shining from the neighbor's windows I dream of life where I'm safe in a home where I am not alone someday I will lay me down on the grass where everything is greener it always seems so good on the other side
I'm sick of all the heat you can taste the hate in the air running through this family, uncomfortably it's burning me is anybody there in your eyes there's nothing to see just because your dreams have died don't drag me down, I've still got mine
neighbor boy runs up to me, his eyes all black and blue I say what happened to you boy, he said my daddy flew off the hook cause I was playin too loud I guess he couldn't hear the tv he said son I'm'a teach you a lesson and then he .... and then he....
maybe it's not so good on the other side maybe it's not so good on the other side but it always seems so good, on the other side it always looks so good .... it always seems so good// -Smile Empty Soul
My dad read this in the Wall Street Journal and sent it to me, and I found it....reassuring, at the least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Here's a Way You Can Help The Cause in Iraq April 16, 2004; Page A14
Thus spake George W. Bush this week: "The people of our country are united behind our men and women in uniform, and this government will do all that is necessary to assure the success of their historic mission." Still, many Americans who support the war don't much like sitting on their hands doing little more than watch it on TV. Some have written here, asking what they can do to help. This column will describe a real project that lets the folks at home lend a hand to the soldiers in Iraq.
Over the past year, a successful technology entrepreneur named Jim Hake has been working with the Marine Corps to help their reconstruction projects in Iraq. The Marines identify local equipment needs, and Mr. Hake's organization, Spirit of America, after raising the money, acquires the stuff, typically for schools and medical clinics. It flies directly out of Camp Pendleton in California. Jim Hake and the Marines are a coalition of the can-do, bypassing the slow U.S. procurement bureaucracy. More on that effort in a moment. Here's where you come in:
The First Marine Expeditionary Force and U.S. Army in Iraq want to equip and upgrade seven defunct, Iraqi-owned TV stations in Al Anbar province -- west of Baghdad -- so that average Iraqis have better televised information than the propaganda they get from the notorious Al-Jazeera. If Jim Hake can raise $100,000, his Spirit of America will buy the equipment in the U.S., ship it to the Marines in Iraq and get Iraqi-run TV on the air before the June 30 handover.
Now we are getting somewhere. Since day one, the Coalition Provisional Authority's weakest suit has been the war of ideas, images and public relations. Into this use-it-or-lose-it void stepped Al-Jazeera, the Qatar-based TV operation that somehow has wires running to every camcorder in the Arab terrorist world. Punch in english.aljazeera.net for a look at "news" from Iraq spun tirelessly against the coalition. Its photos of "Falluja after the siege" are preposterous, depicting nothing but "destroyed homes" and ominous GIs. The text: "As we drive through the back roads on the way to Falluja, U.S. jets are pounding the area around the tiny village of Garma."
If this hooey is what they feed to the English-language audience, imagine the daily TV diet Al-Jazeera trowels on for Iraqis. Al-Jazeera's Web site Wednesday said it wouldn't air the video of an Italian hostage's murder "in order not to upset viewers' sensitivities." Hours later, I heard an all-news radio in New York recite verbatim Al-Jazeera's tender account.
If the Marines can get these moribund stations back on the air, the coverage area would include Fallujah and Ramadi. The VHF/UHF stations are owned as cooperatives by TV-competent Iraqis already vetted by the Army. Some broadcast Al-Jazeera for lack of other content. In return for the upgrades, the Iraqi operators would be asked two things: Criticism is fine, but don't run anti-coalition propaganda; and let the Marines buy air time to broadcast public-service announcements, such as the reopening of schools or clinics -- or indeed, pending military operations.
I can hear the chorus of lamentations about "independence" and "objectivity." Get real. We're in Iraq, not Kansas, Toto. These Iraqis, aided by American soldiers, are manifestly engaged in a death-struggle for their nation. Anyone who has the courage to produce daily television at odds with the goals of the homicidal "insurgents" doesn't need tutorials on journalistic piety from us.
Jim Hake's organizational insight is to deploy the best practices of the modern U.S. economy -- efficiency and speed -- around the margins of the Iraqi war effort. The Amazons, Best Buys, FedExes and DHLs can get anything anywhere -- fast. Why not use the same all-American skill at procurement efficiency and quick distribution to get the soldiers in Iraq (and Afghanistan) the stuff that government red tape will never provide in time?
His operation, in Los Angeles, is wholly New Economy. For past projects he's gotten the word out via Web bloggers such as Glenn Reynolds's InstaPundit.com, windsofchange.net and hughhewitt.com. Mr. Hake finds low-cost suppliers on the Internet and negotiates prices. His donor network also suggests suppliers.
Earlier projects for the Marines flew over cargo planes of school supplies, basic medical equipment and toys (turns out Iraqi children love Frisbees). One anecdote: The day before the school equipment was to ship, they found that all the pencils broke easily. On a hunch, Mr. Hake made a morning call to a Staples manager in southern California. By mid-afternoon the Staples man lined up sources for 120,000 pencils -- cheaper than the original buy. Mr. Hake bought and shipped them. Spirit of America is all-volunteer. The accounting for its projects, down to the penny, is listed on the Web site.
Spirit of America's buy-list for the Marines' TV-stations project includes: digital video camcorders, desktop PCs for video editing, video editing software, televisions, 21-inch satellite dishes, KU-band universal transponders, satellite decoder/receivers, Philips audio/video selectors (4-in/2-out), VCRs (PAL and NTSC compatible), DVD players (multi-region compatible), step-down voltage converters (220 to 110) and lighting sets. The cost of this equipment is about $100,000.
Mr. Hake, incidentally, insists on paying for all the goods in his projects. He says donor relationships with big companies waste time getting sign-offs by senior management. I asked if he thought they could get the TV stations under way by the June 30 handover: "Absolutely. My goal is to have the gear at Pendleton by May 7. The Marines will fly it over and they are ready to get going on this. Needless to say, plans can always change in a combat zone but this is an undertaking to help turn the tide there." If this works, the Marines and Spirit of America hope to rebuild TV stations elsewhere around Iraq.
Want a piece of the action? Spirit of America's project with the 1st Marine Division, and how to donate, is at www.spiritofamerica.net, or directly at www.spiritofamerica.net/req_12/request.html or 800-691-2209. It's brand extension of the Marines' now-famous saying: "No better friend, no worse enemy."
Write to Daniel Henninger at henninger@wsj.com.
REVIEW & OUTLOOK Spirit of the Journal April 21, 2004; Page A18
This past Friday, Dan Henninger's Wonder Land column gave readers a chance to contribute money to help restore seven small TV stations in Iraq. The project is the joint idea of the First Marine Expeditionary Force in Al Anbar province, west of Baghdad, and Spirit of America, a philanthropy begun by Los Angeles businessman Jim Hake to assist American GIs in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Mr. Henninger asked The Wall Street Journal's readers to help the project reach its goal of $100,000 to buy equipment to upgrade the stations. Here are the results:
As of yesterday afternoon, some 3,694 Journal readers (and their friends) had contributed $707,750. The individual contributions ranged from $3.50 to $50,000.
Jim Hake is stunned by the response. He says his friends in the Marine Corps are stunned. We are not. The generosity of this newspaper's readership is well known to those of us at Dow Jones who have witnessed it repeatedly over the years.
Mr. Hake is now purchasing the TV equipment -- new PCs, camcorders, editing equipment and the like -- which will be delivered directly to Camp Pendleton in California and loaded on the earliest available Marine transport plane bound for Iraq. When the dust settles, Mr. Hake will post a verbal and financial accounting of the project on the group's Web site, spiritofamerica.net. Mr. Henninger plans a follow-up soon in the Wonder Land column.
As to the project exceeding its funding goals, Mr. Hake says this ensures that the rebuilding and upgrading of community TV stations in Iraq can be extended. He has no intention of letting Spirit of America become "big and stupid." Any additional funds will be used as in all the group's projects up to now -- to respond to requests initiated by U.S. troops in Iraq or Afghanistan for help with small, nonmilitary, civil reconstruction projects.
We suppose one can divine political implications from this remarkable stateside outpouring, but we think we'll forgo the politics and let the goodwill of our readers speak for itself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
I found it really great that even with our stupid problems with our dumb economy and presidential elections and other moronic stuff...like cosmetic surgery, or diet fads...Americans can still show their support for their country and what is right.
Ahh! Had swim again today...::sigh:: Starting the long course season, so practices are...well, long. And harder. Ah well, I am already getting stronger, so it's alright with me.
Apparently Jenn and B-Rad the Boy Toy (his new name, courtesy of me) are going putt-putting on Sunday with Chrissy and Justin (who are going out). I better get to meet this Brad kid, or Jenny is not allowed to date him. He called her house, and her parents were like "Wow, a mature, responsible boy calling our house. He sounds like he's 25. Should we be worried?" It made me laugh, momentarily.
Hmm... O.o I got my research paper back today and I got 100/100! That's an A+. At my school, you don't get A+'s. I'm proud of myself! I worked for it. Man, did I ever work for it. Felt like sharing that with somebody...my mom is all stressed and bitchy, and I can't really be all like "ooh I got 100" to my friends, cause..well..yeah. So anyway...
Janine burnt me like 15 CDs last night. It made me happy this morning when she handed me my cd case full of 'em! Gots all sorts of good stuff....Linkin Park, Sugarcult, Lost Prophets, Switchfoot, Story of the Year, Audioslave, Bowling for Soup...you get the idea.
I had my retreat today, which was boring as hell. We had to stand around in the freezing cold listening to a freaky old lady go on and on about how "this statue was made be A JEWISH man. See? We are multicultural!" It was horrible. Arr. I was going to buy a rosary (I've been meaning to, and they had some really nice ones there), but I forgot my money. Stupid me. Heh.
After that, I went to choir rehearsal, which let out a half hour early. It was really nice out in the afternoon, all warm and breezy-like. Practically right after I got home, I had to leave for swim, which was long and hard. But I feel really good right now. As much as I complain about it, I love swimming. ::nods::
When I got home from swim, my mom and I went for a short walk, and now I am sitting at my kitched table eating animal crackers and writing in m bloggy-do!
Speaking of animal crackers, (don't know wtf this has to do with anything....) when I was little I used to eat those cheese slices (you know, old school version of Kraft Singles), and I would bite them into shapes. I always used to play with my food. I'd make little castles out of my mashed potatoes with moats of gravy, pretty much anything you can imagine.
heh.
Well, I have to go "clean up some strawberries", and watch Angel, which I haven't seen in weeks.
later, -Peach
//Don't you make a move tonight You can only stagger Once she's got you in her sight You're the one she's after She's the blade and you're just paper You're afraid cause she's got closer You're back-steppin and back-stabbing everything in your life She stole everything your heart desired Now you want it back One by one you count the fights Doesn't even matter That she's got you by surprise Misery's your master She's the blade and you're just paper You're afraid cause shes got closer Your back-steppin and shes out wrecking everything in your life She stole everything your heart desired Now you want it back She stole everything She controlled everything She's the blade and you're just paper You're afraid cause she's got you closer She stole everything your heart desired Now you want it back She stole everything And controlled everything//
Sitting in French class again....seems to be the only time I can find to update this thing as of late. Hmm...oh well. I'm really mad at my damn wireless internet - it keeps kicking me offline at night, so I can't talk to anyone. RAR!
Saturday was fun. I went to Kris's around 11, cause he was having a garage sale, so I went to help. I didn't end up helping though. Heh. I got hungry, so I spent most of the morning searching through his kitchen to find ingredients and such, making my "squares of lemon", as peter so calls them. Kris laughed at me because I was being neurotic about his kitchen. I have decided that his kitchen is, well....blah. It's just what you would expect in a house with two guys. Coke cans, crumbs, clutter...alright, I'm making it sound a little worse than it really is. But only a little. I cleaned it up a little, but it took me forever to find [i]anything[/i].
After they closed the garage sale, his dad had to go to work, and we were forced to go along. Arr. It wasn't all that bad, though. I did get a little red squishy stress car! (Don't ask.) Then we went back to his house, and watched a movie. It was fun.
Speaking of movies, I saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest this weekend, good movie. Peter lent me Seven. Also a very good movie. I liked Seven better out of the two. I should give that back to him...
This week is gonna be really busy. Blah. I have swim tonight, as usual, and for the rest of the week. But Thursday is my last day doing my stupid-ass paper route. Joy! On Friday night (maybe Saturday..hmm..) I get to see my Kris in Little Shop of Horrors (the play). I can't wait. And because my birthday is next Tuesday, we are doing something on Sunday - he says I get a "special birthday dinner". Yeah. Don't know if I should be afraid or not... :D Nah. I'm not afraid.
Moving on...
HUNGRY!!! Lunch is in...20 minutes...
I wonder where my Kris is right now...
wow. I sound somewhat like a stalker. But I'm not. So there.
My mom is taking her qualifying exam right now. The one that will impact the rest of her life. For 10 years she's been raising us (myself and my two siblings) while also attending college. She's been working for her PhD in philosophy, and it's been hard for her. If she doesn't pass this exam, there is no chance for her to get her PhD. That's ten years, down the drain. She'll pass, I know she can, I just hope [i]she[/i] knows she can.
Hmm. I guess I type loudly, because the teacher keeps giving me funny looks and walking past me. I laugh. Bad idea in a quiet classroom....
I want to put one of those comment boxes (a squawk box or a tblurt whatever the hell they're called) in my blog. Anybody know how? I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me. Thanks! While we're on the subject, anybody know how to put music in the page? Thanks for that too! Wee!
I am gonna go check out some bikinis...time to buy 'em for da summer!
Don't even [i]try[/i] to guess. I'm sitting in the computer lab in French right now - doing one of the stupidest online "scavenger hunts" I have ever seen. They call them that to make them seem "fun". Um....NO. They fricking suck. So...I write in my blog instead! It's magic. Well, actually, it's not...but anyway.
Today, I don't have swim, which (even though I am always exhausted from it) is making me kind of sad. My mom left for San Fransisco this morning, and I am going to my dad's house for the next two weeks. ::sigh:: i like being with my dad and everything, it's just such a hassle to bring my stuff over there and everything. Not to mention my mom took my computer case, so I have no way to being my laptop to my dad's house. Ah well.
Jenn is meeting Brad on Sunday - her new boy toy :wink: She's gonna drag me with her, and I'm gonna bring Kris so we don't bother them...
MOVING ON
I am sooooo hungry right now...must...have...lunch...rar!
I still have 5 community service hours to do this year...I better get to work. Not that I mind doing them, I actually like feeling like I am doing something useful, but it's not the kind of thing that should be forced, you know what I mean?
Last night was...odd. I don't really know what was going on, but I felt..weird. I have to go now, but I'll update later when I get my thoughts sorted out.
Here, I've got a riddle for you. You ready for this? Whose ankle hurts like fuck? 3 guesses, and the first two don't count. I was at swim today, and I flipped a little too close to the wall, resulting in a banged ankle. For those of you who know nothing about swimming, a flip turn done correctly (not that I do them right...) requires a very strong kick with both feet. When one of those is slammed into the wall, it hurts. Badly. Not bad enough to stop (if we stopped, we had to do another set) but hurts horribly anyway. Holy shit, I whine a lot. I'm done now. :( Today was...uneventful, at most. I am tired, and at this ungodly hour for sleep, I am going to do just that.
later, -Peach
"I am way too tired even to find a random quote right now." -me.
Today was my first day back after spring break, and boy was it ever long. It was good, just long. I was awake until 1 on the phone with Kris, and then couldn't sleep. I ended up getting like 3 hours of sleep. Despite the non sleepyness, I woke up a whole hour earlier than usual, and spent my morning watching MTV and eating toast. Yum!
After the odd morning, I had a test first period (which I, of course, completely forgot about). I don't really care all that much. Oh well, I'm sure I did fine. After a very long and drawn out day, I had auditions for a solo for my choir concert...don't know how well those went...and then I walked home, ate, and went to swim. I came out of the locker room and all of a sudden, with a flash of lightning and a bang of thunder, Kris was there! Ok, not thunder and lightning, but there was Kris! It was nice, because I hardly ever see him during the week.
And now, I must go...so...exhausted..damn swim. Oh well, I love it!
later, -Peach
//I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you It's something I must live with everyday And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears Thats why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you//
I saw the greatest Coke commercial today - it may not have been laugh-out-loud funny, but it has to be the best Coke commercial I've ever seen. ------------------------- ------------------- A boy walks up to a vending machine on the street and buys a glass bottle of coke (I seem to remember something involving a nickel). He then looks up, and underneath his picture you see the words "James Marshall Hendricks". The view changes and it shows a guitar shop, him inside, and the sales clerk handing him a guitar. Guitar music plays in the background. Then, all of a sudden, the music changes to something reminiscent of polka, and you see that on the other side of the vending machine there is a store called "Accordion World". At the bottom of the screen it says "Whew! That was close...". ------------------------- ------------------- I thought that was funny - and it was better than those dumb ones with Britney Spears or the big truck next to the Pepsi truck.
Speaking of Britney Spears, call me insane (No, Kris.) but I actually like her now. I saw the video for "Anytime" on MTV this morning, and I liked it. Inexplicably so, but I liked it nonetheless.
Now that I have wasted all my time not writing...I have to go! later, -Peach
Yesterday was my 3 month with Kris. I went over to his house around 7, and Alex was there. The three of us sat around for an hour, wondering what we should do, and finally decided to go for a walk. We ended up at Aaron's, and made him come with us to the ice cream place. We ran into this girl who goes to school with me (blech), and akwardness ensued. Then Kris and I ditched Alex and Aaron, in favor of laying in his driveway looking at the stars. We went in after a while, and ended up watching Beetlejuice. How romantic.
I went home around midnight, and stayed up until 3 (bad idea). I was supposed to wake up at 7 to do my stupid papers, but I didn't wake until 9:30. Oops? Oh well. I'm quitting anyway. What are they going to do? Fire me?
Today is another gorgeous day, and I have stupid chores to do. Oh well, maybe I can go shopping tonight, so I have some new clothes. Hope so! Right now, I am going to go figure out how to get a work permit, seeing as how I am ditching my route and need a decent job.
Today was (and still is) gorgeous! The sky is blue, there are fluffy white clouds, a bright yellow summer sun and a soft breeze is blowing. It's 76 degrees out and it feels so nice! I blew my hair out today, so it feels all pretty, and I'm sitting outside in shorts and a cami right now. ::sigh:: My Kris is hopefully going to come over tonight to watch the old Stepford Wives, and I don't have to wake up tomorrow morning. Life is good!
Today... hmm. I better start at yesterday. Yesterday, a whole bunch of shit happened. Most of which I cannot say, but to summarize...
Have you ever known something, and been stuck? As in, someone tells you something, and aks you not to say anything to anyone. So if you say something, they get mad at you. But if you don't say anything someone else gets hurt. Yours truly was in one of those lovely situations (this particular issue has been eating at me for months now), and decided to say something. Oh, joy. Kind of like a house of cards. You put the last card on, and it stays up, so you let out a big breath of relief, and that big breath knocks it over. Ain't it great? No. That's the point. ::sigh::
It looks as if things will turn out alright, but now I have to "watch my back", if you will, around certain people. This is so hard to explain without explaining details! But, since I care deeply about those involved, mum's the word. Ah well. So...
Today. Another day, another dramatic performance from my little sister. I swear, one of these days I'm going to videotape her and then show it to her later. So I walk out of my room and she's stomping down the stairs, right? And I casually say, "Whew, someone needs to calm down a little." How does she reply to this? (she is ten and in 5th grade, by the way) She screams at the top of her lungs, "Go to hell you fucking bitch!" WHOA. Where did THAT come from? So I, being the 'fucking bitch' that I am, yell at her for screaming at me, and our lovely screaming match ends in both of us sitting on opposite sides of the room fuming at eachother. Evil glares were traded, and then she visited the fridge for food and took her whiny little ass upstairs. Now, I like to think of myself as much more mature than screaming at my younger sister, but sometimes...whew. What I want to know is what could have happened between this morning and tonight to put her in a mood like that. But of course she is in a mood, and therefore will not tell me. Ah well. I shall figure that out later.
Last night, most of my pod spent the night, and I NEED A TISSUE we had an interesting time of it. We sat around and talked most of the time, but we watched a movie called The Magdalene Sisters. It was a story of three girls who were sent to a group convent home for "bad girls" and were mistreated by the nuns. Dumb as it sounds, it was a very good movie, and well worth the watch.
This morning we all woke up freezing cold because we were smart and slept in the (guess what) freezing cold (yep) basement. Everyone left, and I sat around outside in shorts (!) for a while, before deciding to put myself to good use and making some sugary food. I cooked lemon squares from scratch (the loooong way) and I was extremely proud of myself when they turned out decently.
Now, I am sitting in my kitchen and MY LEG IS CRAMPING typing this while waiting for Kris to call me. I have to go collect all the videos in the house so we can return them tomorrow....
later, -Peach
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and I'll give you something to cry about, you little pansy." -Adam Sandler
Please...don't even ask. :D So...moving on... Today was a nice day, I was very proud of myself because I only stayed up until midnight last night, and on top of that I got up at 7 this morning and went out rollerblading - on my way to g o r g e o u s legs! I have the most insane urge to put on a cute little mini and some stiletto heels and dance around my room like crazy. Unfortunately for me, I own neither a cute little mini nor a pair of stiletto heels. I sure as hell mean to, though! Chrissy came over today, and the two of us bladed over to Papa John's and got our usual: a cheesy bread pizza thingy and some pop. We had to go over to the gas station to get the pop, cause Farmer Jack's sucks and wouldn't let us in (and I am SO not about to walk around on their floors in my socks - I am pretty casual about that, but FARMER JACK'S?? ...eew..). So we skated into the gas station and the guy at the counter was totally checking us out. It was so funny. I find it hilarious how guys look at girls. If it weren't for guys, I would own more tight shirts and short skirts - I like to feel pretty, I just don't like being oogled like I am some sort of a circus freak. It would have been even funnier if it was the 20 year old from there that asked my mother out (she's almost 40), but that boy has scary eyebrows - I'd know him from miles away!
In a couple hours, Jenn and I are going up to the rec center to swim, and I can't wait. ::sigh:: And then I am going to come home and take a long, hot shower, talk to my Kris, and sleep. Ahh, sleep. That way, I can be awake tomorrow for the pretty weather. The entire rest of break is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous, mid to upper 60s and sunny! I shall be off, for I must take a little nap before I swim, or I really am gonna pass out.
Heyo, I feel muchly much better lately, for some reason I was feeling icky that day. But better days have found me! Happy Easter to all, and may your holeeday be as nice as...um...the nicest. :D This weekend has been slightly uneventful, but fun nonetheless. My Kris and I went to the rec center on Saturday, had a nice workout - it felt sooooo good to get back in a pool! I swear, I was going through a withdrawl. But then we went back to his house, and out to dinner - holy mother of tacos. His mom is nice, but sometimes she is too nice, you know the kind of woman I speak of, the one who is overly talkative and overdoes everything. I don't know. I really do try to get along with her, and from what I can tell she doesn't think I am the spawn of satan...yet, that is. Ah well.
Then last night, my mom had a date who has kids, so my little sister and his little daughter went to the movies with them, I hooked up Jenn with his son, and Kris and I tagged along. Date Wonder (the son) turned out to be a failure though - he was a creepy, creepy boy. ::shivers:: Hey, I tried. So Kris came over here for a little while and helped me do my goddamned paper route (for which I am extremely grateful), and then we chilled out for a short time. I was told that I would only be able to see him once or twice over break, but already it has been twice, and our 3 month is next saturday (!), so I will see him then. yay!
Last night / this morning I stayed up until like 3, when I unintentionally passed out. I woke up again at six, and am inexplicably wired right now. It's off to the video store for moi, and then to the basement to watch whatever the hell I decide to rent. Hmm....
Today is the first day of spring break. I should be ecstatic, but I'm not. I feel so....worthless right now. I have no clue why, but I just want to sit in a dark corner and cry my heart out. This morning felt mellow and relaxed, but now it's worse than I've felt since last year. And we don't want another last year. I damn well better figure out what the hell is going on before I break again. I just seem to initiate a conflict with every person I come into contact with. Everything is always my fault, and I know it, but I do nothing to stop it. So guess what happens? It gets fucked up, and that's my fault too. But of course, by then, it's too late to do anything about it, and it gets worse and worse. I feel like going away. Anywhere, just so long as I can get away from everything and everyone. I have this uncanny ability to hurt those I become close to, and beacuse of it I have become wary of getting close to anyone. I need to go away and leave all of this, because if I don't, the ones I love will be hurt. I don't know how or when or why. They just will. It happens every time. And when they hurt, I hurt. I need to fix everything that goes wrong, whatever it is. But I can't fix it all. I can't. I'm just not capable of it. And it aches inside, because people that I care about are hurting and I can do nothing to help. So maybe the best thing to do is leave it all. I'm not going to kid myself, I won't leave. Where would I go? I couldn't leave, because that would hurt people I care about as well, so it's just a cruel cycle of hurt and pain and sadness. There's nowhere to go. Nowhere I could escape from everything. The closest I have to an escape is the night, where everything is quiet and solitary. I can sit outside alone, and just be me. The night calms my fears, my worries, and my heartaches. I can escape who I am, where I am, and what I am. I can just relax, and let myself drift away from reality and all of the pain that goes along with it. At least I am in tune enough to realize that reality isn't all bad - there are some moments when my deepest desire is to be real. To exist and take the pain with the happiness. The last time I was feeling like this, I carefully pushed all of the rejection and hurt outside, and built and emotional wall around myself. I swore that I wasn't going to let it get to me again. I've been living like that for a long time, hidden behind my walls. But now they are breaking down, and there is nothing I can do to stop it, save building them back up again. I'm no architectural wonder, and they will fall again for sure, but who knows how long I'll have. 6 months? A year? 5 years? Eventually they will fall, and I will hurt. My greatest fear is falling. In all senses of the word. I am afraid of heights, I am afraid of falling into depression, and I am horribly afraid of falling in love. When you fall, you get a feeling in your stomach, and you can't decide if it's good or bad. It's a twisting, sinking, exhilerating, wonderful, sickening feeling. And the scary part is, you don't find out the nature of the feeling until it's too late. To experience those few seconds of an inimitable feeling, you make yourself vulnerable to the worst kind of pain. I don't like to think that I am allowing myself to be hurt in any way. There are two people in this world into whose hands I would willingly place my life. Maybe more would save me. I don't know. All I know is if I had the choice to either die or ask for help, there are only two people that I would trust not to let harm come to me. My life is fine. It's me who's the problem.
Maybe later, maybe not -Peach
//Memories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit Tonight Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again I hurt much more Than anytime before I had no options left again 'Cause I'm the one at fault I'll never fight again And this is how it ends I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream But now I have some clarity to show you what I mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So I'm breaking the habit Tonight//
//Take everything from the inside And throw it all away Cause I swear, for the last time I won’t trust myself with you//
//Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe Sometimes I need you to stay away from me Sometimes I’m in disbelief I didn’t know Somehow I need you to go Just give me myself back and Don’t stay Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself Somehow I need to be alone Just give me myself back and Don't stay//
//I will never know myself Until I do this on my own And I will never feel anything else Until my wounds are healed I will never be anything till I break away from me I will break away I'll find myself today//
//There are just too many times That people have tried to look inside of me Too many times that I’ve held on When I needed to push away Afraid to say what was on my mind Afraid to say what I need to say So many people like me walk On eggshells all day long What goes up will surely fall And I’m counting down the time//
//It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone Just washing it aside All of the helplessness inside Pretending I don't feel misplaced It's so much simpler than change//
//Nothing ever stops all these thoughts And the pain attached to them Sometimes I wonder why this is happening It's like nothing I can do would distract me when I think of how I shot myself in the back again 'Cause from the infiite words I could say I Put all pain you gave to me on display But didn't realize instead of setting it free I Took what I hated and made it a part of me//
-Linkin Park
"Sometimes things get really bad, I know that. And when they do, the thing to do is hold yourself together - because if you break even once, you'll break again even more easily the next time. The cracks are already made and all the glue'll get washed away..."
My Kris fixed my computer for me! He came over yesterday for a while, and I don't know what he did, but it works now. Yay! I think ::crosses fingers:: I'm spending the night at Jenn's tomorrow night, and then I'm going to go to "The Boy Friend" (school musical) with Kris and Tangles. Then on Sunday I have this stupid ass dance project for gym I have to work on. Oh well, what can you do? My school is doing a dumb fundraiser thingy, which I honestly don't give a shit about, but if we raise $12,000 by Monday, we get Wednesday off - and a week and a half for spring break. Cha-ching! Now...lets think....what can I do to make theis stupid boring blog more fun for the people who accidentally click the link?
::cries:: I broke my computer. I went to plug it in yesterday, to charge it up, and it sparked and smoked and made funny noises. Then it started to smell like burnt plastic. And now it won't turn on. I'm on my mom's computer right now, wating for mine to be fixed. But....it's just kinda sitting there, all by itself. I don't think it's gonna be fixed any time soon. :cry:
BUT I get to see my Kris tomorrow! Broken computer or not, my day will be verily better.
hmm....well I should go
ARRRRRR (I am Pirate! Hear me ARRR!!!)
later, -Peach
"Quakers are pacifists, which means they believe in no violence. Boy would I make a lousy Quaker." -um...somewhere? I think it's bad that I don't know where it came from. Hmmm....
I am feeling quite the content at the moment. The "quite the content" is a partially stolen phrase from Kris, who constantly says "quite the....". It sounds wrong when I say it. But, of course, I am compelled by unknown urges to say it anyway. And thus, I do!
I haven't had Mountain Dew in a very long time. Up until about 5 minutes ago, that is. And now I wish to puke. ICKY. Pepsi products are always chokingly sweet, and the Dew (which I did, incidentally) is no exception. I feel very happy right now. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I have no homework, have only a week left until spring break, and am off from swim for 3 weeks. Or perhaps it is due to spending nearly the entire weekend with my Kris. A bit of both, perhaps. Whatever the cause, I am undeniably lookin on the bright side of life ::whisles:: always look on the bright side of life...
:D
I just downloaded a file extracter (joy!) and can now open up zipped and archived files! That means muchly faster song downloading for me. ::sings along to the Metallica she just got::
yay!
My hair is wet. (as if anyone cares) ::sigh:: I wonder why I write this as if people give a shit about my hair or how I feel or the files I downloaded. It makes me wonder if anyone DOES care. And if they do care, why? Cause, um...even [i]I[/i] don't care.
Right. I do believe that I have finished for the evening. I wonder where my Kris is....
